Things learned by attending a friend's wedding that I am too lazy to write in a funny and sensical manner:
1. If you were in a sorority in college and had a bunch of a girls you got drunk with all the time they will totally show up half drunk and needing to wear a bra.
2. Not that this is a bad thing at all.
3. Even if you are a bitchy cynic like myself you will cry when you watch your friend cry because she was is so happy. You will hate yourself a little but YOU ARE NOT MADE OF STONE.
4. If you always look plain and boring when you finally wear something cute everyone will act like you are a supermodel.
5. You need to keep your voice down if you and your husband are checking out the racks of all of the chicks at the wedding.
6. You will laugh at your friend who was wearing something made by JLo.
7. Personalized wine bottles are the best wedding favor EVER. And you will kick yourself the entire drive home for leaving yours on the table.
8. Bridesmaids everywhere are incredibly stupid when tanning before a wedding. If your dress is a strapless DO NOT WEAR A HALTER BIKINI TOP. You will look cheap, stupid and some horrible petty people who may or may not be me will make fun of you at the service, at the reception and on the way home.
9. Dads who are a little shell shocked that their little girl just got married should not make toasts. They will ramble on for HOURS and say many uncomfortable, bizarre and borderline offensive things. However, if you drink during the entire toast this will be funny--it is not your dad after all.
10. If you have to stop at a rest stop on your way home you will attract a lot of attention in your cocktail dress and gold heels. Especially if you are a hair tipsy. And if you flash part of the parking lot getting out of the car.
11. You won't care. You really had to pee.
12. You will be so happy for your friend that you could burst.
13. You will thank god that you married a man who will stop at a rest stop even though you should have totally peed before you left, will fight with you on the way to the reception and make out with you on the way out and who will notice all kinds of petty things so you can mock people all the way home.
14. You will be so grateful that you never have to get married again.
3 comments:
Re: #6 - that is cold, man. cold
Three things:
1. Did you wear the halter dress and gold sandals?
2. I just came from a friend's wedding and what the hell is wrong with people? A canary yellow mini skirt suit at an formal evening wedding when you are over fifty and over weight is not a good look ...EVER!
3. If I can tell you are wearing a 'body shaper' then your dress should be a larger size; they can't perform miracles.
1. Yes I did, and people were liars enough to say I looked very Donna Karan.
2. WORD. Only thing worse? The guy in shorts and BLACK SOCKS up to his knees. My grandpa wears that in the garden kiddo, not at a more formal affair
3. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I think I love you.
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