Wednesday, July 13, 2005

All The King Of Crying On Reality TV

Look! Now you too can buy the products of a drama queen blow hard!

Y'all, this man is the biggest cry baby wacko ever. On Sephora they talk about his products being the result of years of research--on his show the big drama is that they only have a few months. He cries at the drop of a hat. Some one buys his stuff and he cries. A celebrity gets their hair done and he cries. Some one kisses ass (which is constant, apparently he bursts into FLAMES if some one is not kissing his ass every fucking second) and he CRIES.

And he abuses the phrase "dream come true" more than even the girls on the Bachelor. I swear if he said something about this being a fairy tale I would think he was Trista for crying out loud.

He repeatedly abuses people who are trying to help him. He belittles the professionals who are trying to help him launch his products and then is SHOCKED when they manage to produce the results he was looking for. He is like that boss that everyone has had--the one that thinks he knows everything but really only knows that ONE THING. That one thing has made him a success so leave the bottle design to the pros honey. The drama is mostly fabricated and stupid. He throws a tantrum because some one touches his shoulder. In. His. Salon! He is scheduled to style two celebrities at the same time! His absolutely adorable (and I assume patient girlfriend) needs a haircut! He has never loved some one like this! For six weeks!

He is charming in a toolish way. I just wish he would stop bawling, seriously hairdressers around the country are clucking their tongues and saying, "Honey, did you have to make us look like such pussies?"

But, and I feel a lot of shame about this, he rocks the haircuts. I just love his medium "babe hair" and I have this crazy urge to grow mine out a bit, go to West Hollywood and pay an obscene amount of money for him to cut my hair and pronounce it "HOOOOOOOOOOT."

Bravo your subliminal messages have broken me! I bow down to Jonathan Anton!

And I want to try his products.

I know.

I know. But I am powerless again the allure of Better Hair. I own and use the Bible and it is has been very successful in breaking me of my stupid waste of money on skin care and makeup. But I am always looking for something new for my hair. Always wanting to try something new that will make it better, shinier, HOOOTTTTTERRRR.

I feel some shame about it, believe me, but I want to try his shit.


Eek said...

I want him to cut my hair too, even though he is a tool.

He is also kinda, a little bit, pretty.

Anonymous said...

I wish you would try it, I think he is a genius at least then there would not be anymore "i look like a boy" moments in the J house hold. Though we do have a rockin stylist even if he is in the closet...