Things I learned this holiday weekend:
1. J and I can eat no watermelon or a whole watermelon, we are physically incapable of eating just part of a watermelon. Even though we know it will cause an ass explosion. We taunt the ass explosion, "BRING IT ON BITCH!"
2. Even when it is 80 degrees in my house my mother will keep on her jacket and talk about how cold she is.
3. J will burn the fuck out of his shoulders and though it will take more than one night to tan out, he will be darker from that one afternoon than I am from weeks of careful tanning booth attendance.
4. It is entirely possible for me to sleep eleven hours a day. It is a challenge that I will gladly take on. Even if I feel like a lazy trollop because J is working in the yard.
5. Men's underwear rib tanks are way cuter than the ones that cost double in the women's department. Those and cute jeans are all I ever want to wear.
6. My hair is long enough to put in a ponytail if I let it get dirty enough and use a hairband.
7. Do not look at the crap that J powerwashed off of the deck, it will make you sick.
8. Do not look at the pictures of my grandmother's award ceremony before bed--or you will dream about her oddly yellow wig attacking Grandpa.
9. Juice bars have three times as many calories and no additional nutritional value to popsicles, just eat the fucking popsicles.
10. It is not possible to watch enough baseball.
I love three day weekends.
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