Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Struggling

I am not sure what was wrong with me today. I just feel so frustrated and angry. Nothing horrible happened to me. Nothing even bad happened to me today. I just feel on edge and I can't figure out why.

I am struggling right now. I don't love my career. It doesn't honestly even feel like a career. So I don't love my job. I think that I am still trying to deal with Gladys being gone. Her death has really made me focus on what I want my life to be like. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy my family. Take pleasure in each day.

But I don't right now.

I honestly feel guilty about that. How dare I feel unhappy or frustrated? Gladys can't feel those things. I would imagine that she would do anything to hug her child one more time. I have an opportunity to really treasure what I am doing with my life and I am wasting it.

At the same time if one more person says, "You just have to live every day like it is your last," I am going to beat the shit out of them.

1 comment:

GM said...

Hmmmm, could be it was just an April 12 thing. Everybody here was twitchy and just about jumping out of their skin, me included. Maybe something about the position of the moon, or something.