Friday, April 01, 2005

Shabbat Guilt

When we began the whole conversion process we decided that we wanted to go to Shabbat every Friday night. Not because it was required or anything, there are Jews that have never been to a Shabbat. But this was a way for us to immerse ourselves into the Jewish community.

Obviously neither of us have any family traditions of celebrating Shabbat at home. And our temple has a wonderful and eccletic group that attends on Fridays. It is a relaxing way to finish the week. Somehow it makes it easy to close out business and move into a time for family and reflection.

Unfortunately, we have a hard time actually getting there. Something seems to keep happening. One or both of us has been sick. We have hit traffic. Life just keeps happening. And I know that no one thinks anything about us missing. Of course the little nerdy A student in me keeps screaming in my ear about it. But the main thing is that I miss going. I miss learning and studying with other people. I miss the celebration of it all. It really is my favorite couple of hours a week.

Tonight we were determined to go. We had dinner. I didn't feel really good but I was just going to lay down for a half hour or so to see if I could feel better. About fifteen minutes before we needed to go I went in and J is knocked out asleep.

That is the hard thing. Friday is my day off so I am always rested and ready to go. But J has to work and is always exhausted when he gets home. I just did not have the heart to wake him up. So we will miss again this week. I hate it. I feel guilty. Which I know is not how to celebrate Shabbat.

But Buster and Darla just came in. And are sleeping on my feet. My husband and Rooster are in the next room. My family is here. We are together. And that is how you celebrate.

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