My Mother Can Never Know

I have always been a little afraid of dying suddenly. For the obvious reasons, of course. And because I would worry about my husband and family. Of course Gladys' death has made that a more layered and real feeling.

But I am more afraid of us dying together and some one (likely my mother) having to clean out our house. I don't want anyone to see exactly how messy and full my closet is. No one should have to deal with the bottles of cleaners under our sinks that each have about three drops in them. I own too many romance novels. And more than one Garth Brooks cd. I really do not want my mother to find my vibrator!

But my biggest shame is I do not want anyone to see what series' I record on my DVR. I have my true crime shows from A&E and Court TV which I love love love. An assortment of documentaries and shows from the History Channel. But I also have my sad housewifey choices. Like Dr. Phil. And the Ellen DeGeneres Show. And America's Next Top Model. Those are not too horrifying. But I also have Degrassi the Next Generation. Style Court. And, I am so embarrassed to admit, the Golden Girls.

Its like I have split personalities of a nerd, a ditzy teen, a housewife and my grandmother.

So its very important that I take good care of myself and don't speed and don't skydive. Because my mother can never know that I watch Laverne and Shirley.