When I was a little kid I used to smash my fists into my closed eyes before I would go to sleep at night. It would make me see swirls of color and stars and was just generally a terrible idea eyesight wise. Sometimes this would stress me out and make it hard for me to sleep and sometimes it was just what I needed to be soothed and sleepy. It always made me feel disoriented though and made it hard for me to get my shit together for a long time after whether I went to sleep or not.
I have felt like that all week. Just dizzy and out of control. With stars in my eyes and swirls in my brain and just sort of all over the place. Sometimes I just felt sleepy and wanted to spend all day in bed. Sometimes I would feel so stressed out and weepy that it was all I could do to not have a meltdown every ten minutes.
There are just all kinds of things up in the air right now. Nothing major, no, we have made all the big life altering changes already this year with new jobs and a new house and friends dying and such. Just little things. Maybe it is that I cannot seem to wind-down from the big stuff. Or maybe my hold on the family drama queen gene is much more iron-fisted than I thought.
My period is late, really late, not that this is so unusual, and that could be part of it. I am hoping it is part of the rock hard lump of stomach that keeps hanging over my pants. It must be water because that shit was not there last week and I would think it would be hard to get a potbelly in a week. Especially one that is made of something more firm than my car. PMS would be a handy excuse for my weepiness last night when I started to cry about mostly nothing all over J while screeching at him to go downstairs because he will get mad at me if I cry.
Such a lovely thing to say to your husband, I mean I made him sound like a puppy-kicker didn’t I.?
Last night the cat was HOWLING at the backdoor for what felt like hours so I was going to let her out. And then stand there, count to ten and let her back in because I know she hates being outside. But when I look out the door there was a rather BRAZEN raccoon sitting in our flowerbed. He did not run when I yelled, frantically scooping up the kitty so she didn’t become kitty-jerky and he actually started coming towards the door.
Those are some gold plated raccoon balls.
J heard the ruckus and came out to yell too, and had to bar the dogs in the cellar or there would have been much bloodshed.
So the whole family was all worked into a lather and now there is a GANG of raccoons invading our yard. And I could feel something snapping in me. I was either going to cry or I was going to take a knife and stab me some ugly ugly vermin.
But I would have probably gotten blood on my velour sweat suit so I shut the door and bawled and bawled.
I am hoping this is just a phase. That I will stop feeling like a crazy person any second now. Perhaps if I shove my fists into my eye sockets right now I can reverse the effect. And instead of being so confused I will feel like my head swing around to face the front.
Or I might just pass out. It really isn’t a foolproof method.
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