Monday, September 05, 2005


Back to our regular schedule of poo and boobs talk. Today I had my first encounter with a really gross DEAR GOD I was hoping this would never happen to me symptom of Crohn's. I had undigested food in my poo. Actually (GRAPHIC) I had liquid coming out of my ass with chunks of ham in it.

Anyone still reading?

At any rate, it was very sick and strangely wondrous and might have even been interesting if I had not been in a luxury department store hoping and praying that I would not shit out an entire hot dog while shopping in lingerie.

My standards are so very low.

I don't worry about my Crohn's very much as I am very very aware that my case is so mild that if my father didn't have the disease I probably never would have been diagnosed. I am so incredibly lucky (which seems like an odd phrase to use when you have just shit out a piece of PORK CARTILIDGE but there it is) because so many people with Crohn's cannot eat solid foods or have had many surgeries. I just make terrible food choices and have gotten used to having to crap whenever and wherever the spirit moves me.

So something like this hits me hard. Not because it was painful, because it wasn't, or because it was a big deal, because really it was just weird more than anything. But because it is a reminder. I have a disease. If I am extraordinarily lucky I will be like my dad, who has mild attacks and has certain Foods To Avoid but lives a normal life. That life includes cutting in line in public bathrooms by threatening to shit on the floor but that is normal right? But even my dad had one big scary attack that almost killed him and I have so far avoided that.

Whenever I get a new symptom I am struck by how things are progressing. Not really worse, just moving forward. I could be like this forever (dear GOD please) or I could have a bag strapped to my stomach one day. You never can tell.

Of course now I do have a picture of how the undigested ham in that bag would look.


1 comment:

Frank said...

Ummmmmm....maye its time to just talk about your boobs!