Oh We Already Do, We Lock Them In The Closet?

One of the difficult things about having been a frickin child bride and being married for almost five years is that people are starting to ask questions. J and I have good jobs, own our home and have built ourselves a lucky lucky life together. It is inevitable that people ask us almost every FUCKING day, "When are you going to have a baby?"

The intent of this question is nice, people are trying to build common ground. They don't realize that it is hard to answer.

Someday is the best that I can do there.

See, for reasons that are complicated and boring and personal and stupid we probably will not be able to have kids without some type of assistance. It is unlikely that we are going to be popping up with an ooops baby in this house.

So while other couples are starting to build our families we are hanging out in limbo. I am firmly in the denial camp, which is why this mess isn't known so much in my family (which I would like to keep that way, dear sister, if you do not mind). We are holding our hands firmly over our ears and running around maniacally screaming LALALALALA.

But the questions are hard. They are hard because every single cousin J has has at least one child, and we are practically the only ones with jobs. They are hard because half of my department at work is pregnant. They are hard because I do not know what to say.

What I know intellectually is that being able to have kids is not about fate or destiny or God. It is not about being a good person. Crackheads have babies. Britney Fucking Spears apparently got pregnant after trying for about thirty seconds. Obviously, these things are not decided by fitness.

What I do not know is how our family will be created. Or when that happened. It could be tomorrow (HA!) or it could be ten years from now. I know that one day we will have one, whatever form it might take.

What I do not know, is how to answer that question?