Supermodel Hair and Saggy Butt--HOTT

So y'all. I am having a moment today. I would have to count the days but I really hope this is hormones because FUCK.

There is a big work thing next week. With lots of important people. And I look like utter shit. I look sloppy and sad and SIGH.

It is days like today that I hate working in fashion. Because I cannot get away with wearing the same damn thing every day especially when that same damn thing now has a whole worn in it.

Worse. I woke up with supermodel hair this morning, despite having dried the living shit out of my hair last night. Supermodel hair sounds like a good thing and god knows that during the 90's everyone (that includes me) sported the hell out of it. It is when your hair is straight at the top with big ol' fat curls at the bottom. People spent a lot of time and money trying to get that hair and mine just wants to do that. Mainly because of the very anti-laws-of-nature, anti-physics, anti-is-this-even-fucking-possible ability of my hair to get curlier as it gets longer. Shit, anyone with thick wavy hair knows that your stylist will tell you to grow it to make it easier to straighten. That is logical, the weight will pull out the curl. Except my hair wants to be all counter-culture and fucking go bananas.

And I don't really follow hair trends so I would probably wear my hair this way if it were at all flattering but sadly it is not. Big head + big hair = MY FUCKING GOD WOMAN BUY A FLAT IRON.

The curls just make my jaw heavy and I don't know, my face demands simplicity. I can't wear much makeup or I look weird. And hair with too much going on is the same way. And the girls make me look young. Not like FOREVER twenty-five young. But depending on the lighting it can be why-do-we-have-a-fifteen-year-old-doing-that-job young or mutton dressed as lamb young (why does office lighting make me look 100 years old and all shadowed and yellow?).

So supermodel hair is bad. And I wore a sloppy ponytail today. Completely forgetting about another meeting I had and I just felt so gross and fat and ugly and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

So I have nothing to wear and no one has anything I want and I will probably work myself up into a BIGGER state about this make my husband and dogs tear out their hair/fur in frustration only to get my period and get over myself--in that order--but until then?

I'll be trying on all my pants--all of which look terrible with saggy butts and waists.

HOTT.