Not a Baby Hater

Today Monica and I got into a rather heated debate about No Kids events. Since she has a baby and I do not this is one of the few topics where we are not in 100% agreement.

I do understand her side. Even though she used my most hated phrase in the world, “You don’t know, you don’t have kids,” (she apologized because she knows I hate that, but dude that phrase is ridiculous—I do not have kids but I have been to enough parties, dinners and weddings where they attended when it was just fucking stupid to have an opinion) I see her point. She works full time, her husband travels, there are only so many hours a day that she spends with her family and she wants to stretch those as much as she can.

I do not blame her. I would too! Which is why, when the invitation says No Kids she should stay home. Not stay home pissed off, but be glad that the host was kind enough to warn her in advance that Baby E probably would not have a good time. For the record, Miss Monica would never ever take E some place where she was asked not to, or anywhere else it is not appropriate. She just resents the hell out of people who don’t want kids around.

This is the part I cannot understand because I do not have kids. Because she takes the No Kids thing very personally whereas I see it as the host thinking ahead and seeing that the event is not child-friendly and is warning her guests ahead of time. I know very few people who would not welcome a child in their home or at a family get together. I know many who didn’t want toddlers at their wedding.

What I resent is this idea that the entire world must be child friendly. I believe that there are and should be places that are for adults. And places that become appropriate as the child ages (this varies wildly from child to child—some kids are excellent in restaurants from birth and some should still not be allowed at sixteen). People who bring small children (or any babies) to movies that are not Nemo or something similar just piss me off. If you took your four year old to Revenge of the Sith than you deserve to be awakened every night for a week with that child having nightmares. The parents of the six year old we saw during the Punisher who cried the entire movie should have had to refund every person in the theatre’s admission. Those are not children’s movies. And I should not have to listen to an understandably freaked-out little boy’s screams of terror through the entire fucking movie.

Most public places are great for kids. If you are at Olive Garden at six on a Thursday night and your kid cries, anyone who glares at you deserves to get a spitter in their spaghetti. If you bring a toddler who is going to run around and scream to a four star restaurant on a Saturday night you deserve to get your car keyed.

I suspect Monica and I are closer on this issue than you might think. I like babies, my husband likes babies and even though we know very few people with them we have always welcomed them into our home. We just think it is weird that our neighbors asked if they could bring their kids to my husband’s Kegger Birthday a couple of years ago.

Besides, anyone who
wouldn't want to hang out with this little one is
just no friend of mine.