Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Happy Birthday To The Socially Inept

So today is my birthday.

Do you hear angels singing?

WELL THEY ARE. Because I am one year older and y'all are still stuck with me.

My adorable husband got up early and made me cinnamon raisin toast and then he sent me flowers at work. Now I happen to know that he got up and made me toast because he had too much to drink the night before and wasn't sleeping well and hell he was up making himself some sandwiches anyway. And I know he sent me flowers because he forgot to buy me a card and he isn't buying me a gift because HI we just bought a house.

But y'all, it totally fucking counts. As breakfast and FLOWERS! I have low standards so he is a fucking PRINCE.

My new co-workers forgot my birthday. Which is fine, actually better because I am socially awkward and when people say, "Are you doing something special?" I am totally honest and say, "Nope, just eating KFC and watching Sportscenter!" And people look at me with pity in their eyes. Even though this is totally fine and J and I will go have a dinner this weekend and then my mom will make me something fancy--and buy me a cake!

The bad part is that my co-workers forgot my birthday (we have a list, they circulate a card--really not a big deal at all) but then some one came in my cube and saw my flowers and hauled ass back to her cube whispering loud enough to alert the authorities, "OH MY GOD WE FORGOT AB'S BIRTHDAY!" Dude, I CAN HEAR YOU. So instead of doing what normal people would do, just slip the fucking card under some papers while I was in the bathroom so you could pretend that it was there all along, they had like a convention over there. All the while I have the little invite in my email for everyone to celebrate all nine thousand summer birthdays this Friday with cake. Who needs a card when you have cake?

Besides, I mentioned I am socially awkward. What the hell do you do with that sort of card? I mean in my old department we would all go around and do the chick squeal, "Oh you guys are SO SWEET!!!" But man, in this place do you just say nothing? Thanks. UH . . .

I don't know either.

Signs that I have the only mother-in-law in the world that is nice and not plotting her daughter-in-law's death:

1. She never criticizes me
2. She tells J that she cannot believe I haven't divorced him
3. She sends me more money than J for my birthday, and he is her older child

So I have a quite a little birthday money haul with everyone sending me a couple of bucks. And I feel selfish. So.

New handbag? Shoes? An IPOD?

Way more fun mentally spending that money than actually buying anything.

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