Saturday, August 20, 2005

Target Is A Goddamn Laxative

I was strolling around Target today when that beautiful red store had it's normal diuretic effect on me. I ditched my cart and sprinted to the bathroom with all the dignity that a grown woman with a clenched ass can muster. I saw on the pot and had a lovely time when something I have feared most of my adult life happened.

There was no toilet paper.

This sounds like less of a problem then it really was. I could no rely on the kindness of strangers because there was no one in the bathroom. There wasn't anything I could fashion into white trash TP. So I did something a little sad--I pulled up my pants, carefully letting them bag out a bit as to not get shit on them, flushed the toilet and shuffled my way into the next stall. Unfortunately, just as I was getting into the stall a woman walked into the bathroom.

I am sure she was less than delighted to see a disheveled woman with her pants unbuttoned walking around in the bathroom. I was, however, not so happy to see her.

I did a very adult thing, rushed into the stall, cleaned myself up and waited a long time to make sure she left. Not the bathroom. The store.

No point in taking any chances.

So now I have lived to tell the tale of one of my personal humiliation fears. If I ever vomit on a bus driver I am never coming out of my house though.

1 comment:

Linda said...

noooo....