Not Too Much More

Some one I work with announced she is pregnant today. She has the due date I would have had.

I am actually shocked by my reaction, which is equal parts excitement for her and a biting sort of sadness that I can't explain. The two emotions together make me a little dizzy.

I guess I have been in denial, thinking that I had accepted things and was moving on. I haven't exactly. We had our follow-up with the doctor, the biggest waste of time ever, to be told that there is nothing we could have done, or can do and better luck next time. It was eighty-seven thousand kinds of unhelpful--mainly because it seemed to be aimed at some one who only gets their information from doctors. But in this day and age, who wouldn't be googling the fuck out of their diagnosis? I mean, if you hemorrhage out of your cooch you should at least hit wikipedia later.

We're supposed to have some sort of crazy-ass end of days storm tonight, J and I have the pleasure of living in a zone that is set to get both seventy mile an hour winds and eight inches of snow so if y'all don't hear from me for a while it is because that tree fell through my living room and we have no power. If that happens it could be a long while before anyone hears from me.

I just don't think I can take much more.