I Don't Drive A Mini-Van So FUCK OFF

It comes as no secret to anyone reading this that I have issues.

J and I got married pretty young and for some reason to a lot of people this translates into I forced him into getting married and have destroyed his life. Because of course married people never have sex, or fun, or enjoy their lives. And I am a tad (have you noticed?) shall we say defensive about it. In fact, I totally become that humorless shrew that sitcoms portray wives to be (how to network execs go home to their wives after approving that shit) on the subject. I fucking hate it.

I am going to say this one time into the universe and then attempt (ATTEMPT) to let it go. J asked me to marry him. At no time have I put a gun to his head. Believe it or not, sometimes men want to get married. I KNOW. It is shocking since obviously women have been programmed since birth to trap themselves a husband who they can suck the joy from and destroy his spirit!

I love my life. Love my husband, love the city I live in, love my job--my life fucking rules. And I am fairly certain that J loves his life too (unless he is a secret agent that is just toiling in this marriage as some elaborate IT related cover which um OK I guess is possible). The big difference between his life as a single man and life as a married man is that he doesn't live in a dump, the food is better and he isn't really allowed to pork hot chicks anymore (except me, naturally). Contrary to sitcoms and the editors of Details Magazine married people do the things that single people do--they go to concerts and out to dinner, they have SEX (shocking, I know, don't tell my mom), they have FUN. Or maybe they don't. I know a lot of boring-ass single people too. We don't party much, you won't find us doing keg-stands, at least not on school-nights, but I am pretty sure that I wouldn't even if I were single. Drinking like that isn't really fun for me anymore. But being married is a good thing for me.

I don't judge anyone for not being married. I think a lot of those people have a great life happening. They might travel more than us (which is at all basically), or have less family-friendly careers. I don't think anyone has to be married or have kids to be happy (though I continue to maintain that if you constantly regale me of tales of your wild and crazy life that it is probably isn't that wild and crazy and reeks of desperation).

I'm going to (TRY to) stop caring about what these people think of me. I am tired of being out with a bunch of men and having to prove that I am a cool wife (though I totally fucking am so bite me) or having them silently look at me like I have ruined J's life. Yes, he cares about wood flooring now--we all GROW AND CHANGE. From now on anyone who gives me a shit about it will get a shrug.

Or a kick in the balls.

I'm just growing and changing here.