J is getting smashed on his business trip. I came home to the dogs having shit all over the basement.
Then I smashed the fuck out of our old microwave cart with a mini sledge hammer. Buster and Darla were all wild eyed like I have this history of hitting them with sledge hammers. Which is not true except that one time when they barked at imaginary bugs for seven hours straight but you understand.
Then I cleaned the kitchen and floors because when your husband goes away the best thing to do is start acting like a repressed housewife. Actually, I just wanted it to be reasonably clean in case we died in like a ferry accident or something. So my mother wouldn't know we live like animals.