Oh ya'll. So much has happened. I am fucking lost without my computer. There has been a concert (with the sex god ART, and J told ART an embarrassing story about me and then I died. THE END). Cousin Billy is showing up sometime tomorrow (women all over Seattle just flung their panties in celebration).
Most alarmingly, I got my first bikini wax.
I am not a hairy girl (well except on my head we have discussed my hair being enough for forty-seven people and also their seeing eye dogs). But we are going to Hawaii (SATURDAY!) and I didn't want to be broken in the bikini line because I was having to shave every day. I get ingrown hairs like you would not believe because even though the hair is light and there isn't SO much of it, it is thick like a sequoia tree trunk and dayam.
So I cheaped out. Which is a big mistake with waxing. I went to a place that had done my eyebrows before and did a fine job. And it was cheaper than the spa so I thought I would try them.
There is something very disconcerting about being naked with a woman you do not know, trying to explain how much pubic hair you want ripped off and realizing she does not speak English at ALL. I have nothing against non-English speakers but this is an act that needs to be accompanied by CONSTANT communication.
She missed spots. So I mainly look like I am balding. And my cooter broke out in a horrific rash. Which, HI, was why I was waxing to begin with. Thankfully, Bikini Zone tells no lies and cleared that up admirably. Important information: Bikini Zone contains lidocaine. Wash your hands carefully after use. Do not accidentally eat chips afterwards and numb your entire fucking face.
Not that I did that.