That Bitch Joan Rivers Better Not Say It

I would like to ban a phrase. Bling bling shall no longer be used by anyone, anytime, ever again. Not even ironically. It is bad enough that I once heard Barbara Walters use it on the View. It is deplorable that the term is used on the Oscar Red Carpet. But y'all, I had to explain BLING to my mother this weekend.

We are sitting at lunch, talking about shoes and my sister's wedding and should we get pedicures next weekend (answer: YES because damn my heels are crusty) when my mother leans over and asks quietly and sagely, "Do you know what bling is?"

I try to explain about rappers and the socio-economic source of the term and end up blurting out something about tacky-ass jewelry. And I am just dreading what she is going to tell me about why she wants to know.

My mother teaches high school. This is their Homecoming week and apparently schools still do those dressup days the week before. And they are having a "Bling-Bling" day.

Y'all, my mother thought it was one of the Sanrio characters like fucking Hello Kitty. She was so confused, she couldn't figure out what on earth she was supposed to do for that day? Dress up like a cat? Buy a t-shirt?

We bought her a HUGE cocktail ring. I bet that she will cut the hell out of her face with it.

But if a fifty-nine year old white woman starts using the term it is officially it needs to die a quick and ruthless death.

So speaketh AB.