You Would, I Would Buy The Universe A Coke

I believed I have mentioned my impatience when I drive. Basically, I think very few people should be allowed to drive. Most people drive too fast, too slow, too erratically, too annoyingly or too stupidly for me. Tonight I was in front of a woman who was determined to cram her Volvo station wagon right up my ass. It was unclear why she felt comfortable bringing her three kids along with her. I was in the right lane of a city street with a speed limit of 30, I was going forty and it was dark. A left lane was available. But instead she rode my ass for miles. When I finally turned I noticed she was chatting away on her phone.

Now, everyone has talked on their cell phone while driving. Or everyone except my grandparents who do not understand cell phones and think they are remote controls that aliens have sent down to control us with. Either that, or they can't tell them apart from remote controls. I wasn't really paying attention to them when they were telling me. My point is that everyone has done it and we all know it is dumb.

However, I think most of us would agree that it is really fucking stupid to talk on your phone while trying to give a gal in a silver Hyundai a proctology exam.

I just impossibly enraged by that sort of shit and found myself wishing that the damn woman would get in a wreck and that would teach her a goddamn lesson.

And I hear a crash.

Y'all see where this is going yes?

Stupid bitch hit a light pole. One that wasn't lit, yes. But a light pole.

So I stopped. She was fine, her kids were fine.

She was still talking on the goddamn phone.

She hits a pole. Crunches the hell out of her car. Could have killed them all. Is still talking about what shoes is she going to wear with this on her fucking phone, it isn't like she had called 911 or anything.

Here is guessing she didn't learn a damn thing.

But if I was going to suddenly control the universe with my mind (which would be awesome, y'all would love the AB-verse) why did it have to happen when it could have harmed other people? Why couldn't I just levitate something or win the lottery or Tom Cruise wake up with his mouth sewn shut?