Backwards

The tiny women's college I went to like to brag about it's high diversity and so made sure it had a large percentage of students from foreign countries. And down the hall from me lived a young woman though she was several years older than the rest of us (which SCORE she could buy beer), from Kenya named Sly. Our third or fourth week in Sly was visiting our sweet and went in to use the bathroom (we lived in groups of ten and shared large bathrooms with 3 toilets, two showers and two sinks) and when I went in I noticed something strange.

She was facing the wrong way.

I don't mean that she was standing up and peeing like a man or anything, she was sitting on the toilet, but facing the wall.

As it turned out, though the village where Sly grew up was quite modern, the plumbing (which was installed when her parents were young which means Kenya is about as modern as Iowa since my father used an outhouse for part of his childhood) was installed backwards. I don't mean improperly, but that the handle where you flush the toilet was in the middle of the room, not against the wall the way that they usually are.

Sly and the other people she knew hated using the toilet with their back's to the door since they didn't have actual doors, so they got into the habit of sitting on the toilet backwards.

She knew it was backwards, this isn't some sad and horrible commentary about silly people from Kenya (as she was beautifully educated and brilliant in science in a way that makes me regret my chemistry fearing ways). But that was just how they did it.

And she would often sit backwards on the toilets at school because she was homesick. It just reminded her of her family and made her feel connected with them.

I can't imagine traveling across the world to go to college. Her world must have just felt split at the seams. But I do know that my life feels a little crazy now. Not because of anything that is so horrible happening, but just the usual shit. A dash of work, spoon full of family stuff, a shot of crying for no reason and you have a regular gumbo of Freaking the Hell Out.

It is times like these that you look for your touchstones. Try to make yourself feel safe and at home. I have my easy ones, the husband, the dogs, my family. But the way I feel tonight I just might try going to sit on the toilet backwards for a while.

Maybe that will help me too.