Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Definitely Boobs

Since I work at the Chickiest Place on Earth it is not surprising that we were all talking about hair today. What is surprising was this woman complaining about how her hair is always flat and dry and awful looking (and admiring a bunch of ours) and then admitting that she doesn't use conditioner.

Me thinks some one doesn't understand cause and effect.

In some ways, this reminds me of my mother's attitude towards moisturizer. She won't use it, never has and is BEWILDERED by her dry skin. And if she does put something on, it "doesn't work" if her skin doesn't morph into that of a twenty-five year old. Because if you could turn back the clock that much it would cost twenty bucks at the Kiehl's counter.

At any rate, this woman just assumed that everyone lept out of bed with their thick shiny hair and hers was just terrible genetics and DOOM. Does anyone feel like a grown woman who can't go get at least some Pantene deserves shitty hair? Yeah, me too.

I have super thick hair with some wave to it. So to whip it into top condition I need to do the following:

shampoo roots only
deep condition from middle shaft to ends (deep condition after every shampoo, I don't worry about flat hair with a poof ball like mine)
comb through conditioner
wait as long as possible
rinse for a really long time
towel dry and put a bunch of leave in conditioner from mid shaft to ends
let air dry a couple of hours
distribute some sort of cream throughout hair
blow dry straight layer by layer
flat iron layer by layer
repeat every other day

Admittedly, my honest routine that happens most often is the complete cleansing and conditioning bit (HAVE TO) then
let air dry until right before bed
distribute hair cream
do half-ass blow dry
wake up cursing self for half-assed blow dry
flat iron ends and bangs
put into bun or ponytail
repeat every three days, using baby powder on roots if necessary the third day

But still, that is way more involved then:
wash hair, probably with fucking ivory soap
towel dry
use PICK (I KNOW IT IS 1985)
curse genes

Goddamn, if I don't write about being knocked up I am whinging about hair. What the hell to men obsess about? Boobs?

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