Thursday, February 01, 2007

Diet Coke

I gave up regular soda recently. Not willingly. Not merrily. But after a long consultation with my teeth I had to give up the sweet sweet nectar. I would do this for no reason but my teeth, my ass can get as wide as the Grand Canyon and no worries but I don't want my teeth to fall out.

The funny thing is that once I switched to diet people felt compelled to comment on it. Rush to assure me that they were so relieved and that I am doing the right thing. Apparently regular Coke is the same thing as snorting coke off of hookers and I was doing it at WORK. I hate to break it to everyone: I do not give a shit about your concern. There is no enamel on my teeth (I was born without it), drinking soda is like dipping them in acid. My dentist assures me that diet is better (though he tried to sell me on no carbonated beverage thing but ah NO) and so diet it is. I don't smoke anymore. THIS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT PEOPLE.

Of course a couple days later some one is trying to get me to drink Vitamin water instead because diet soda is all chemicals and blah blah blah. No shit it is all chemicals. That is why I like it. And that Vitamin water shit is fucking expensive. IT IS WATER. Have a Flinstones chewable and chug some tap water and move on dude.

I hate the sanctimony of people's diet choices. I think it is really fabulous if you only eat organic or natural or whole wheat bat blood or WHATEVER the trendy thing is right now. I bet that works for you. But please, for the love of god, stop nattering to me about how what I am eating will kill me and all who gaze upon me.

That only makes me guzzle another Diet Coke.

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