Oh colon-of-mine, I have such a BONE to pick with you.
I had a lovely dinner with my family yesterday, involving lots of rare red meat which is my favorite kind, and as a woman from the midwest I am ENTITLED to eat as much red meat as I want because that is the land of COW y'all.
But you, or some other nameless ugly part of my digestive system, decided to expel that meat in what could only be called an ASSPLOSION and that is unacceptable and we need to talk about it.
I spent entirely too much time in the bathroom today. This cannot happen again. Or you shall be fired. I have googled "colon exchange program." I will move us ALL BACK TO IOWA if I have to DO NOT MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND.
I trust your future performance will be less offensive to me and my red-meat loving soul.
It better be.
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