Denial

I hope everyone had an amazing holiday. Even if you do not celebrate perhaps you had a lovely Sunday?

Our was nice, very low key. With food and fun with my parents and new comfy pajamas for all. We got to talk to everyone in our family and my aunt in particular had great news.

My cousin is pregnant.

My baby cousin, several years younger.

Naturally, I am very happy for her. And I know that she and her husband are going to be amazing parents. But I did have to give myself a stern talking to about how life is not a race and her ability to have a baby has nothing to do with mine.

I can't help but be jealous of her very quick pregnancy. I can't help but wish it were me. I suppose this was bound to happen. I was the first of my friends and family to get married but they were all bound to catch up and want to climb aboard the baby train eventually and since we are infertile they are going to pass us.

I was just hoping to avoid this particular infertility cliche.

I don't like to think of J and I as infertile. Most of the time I don't. In my head it is all a question of timing or bad luck or something, anything but infertility. I am totally in denial here and I honestly think that is best for me. It allows me to keep a grip on things. To not get too upset about things. And most of the time it works, I truly am happy for my cousin.

And I even meant that. Look at me, being a semi-adult.