Thursday, January 03, 2008

It Is Weird That Some One Has Touched My Baby's Head I Am Sorry

At the doctor today she found that I have a "very soft" cervix and that crazy feeling that I told J I thought was the baby dropping was indeed her dropping. Like a rock. She was like OOPS there's her head during the exam. I am aware that this means nothing and women walk around dilated for weeks (when I am not dilated at all) but still I am taking this as progress. I am so tired and uncomfortable I am grasping at straws here.

Thankfully I won't be having her this weekend since J is on his way to California to pick up his mother.

I would have to hurt him if I am alone during labor.

So today's gratitude:

1. I lost a pound this week (it is the cake and hot pretzel with cheese diet!). This means that I have thirtyish pounds to lose after this baby is born. That is a lot but for a while there I was pretty sure it was going to be fifty.

2. I have signs of impending labor. It may be all bullshit but at this point it is a reassuring bullshit.

3. I am unlikely to have this kid this weekend. Not only is J gone but my friend L is throwing me a shower Saturday and she would just KILL me.

4. Obama won Iowa. He isn't my first choice (though I like him) but I love what it says about what is happening in this country that a young black man could be winning in a Midwest state. I really love that.

5. Benedryl. Anything to help me sleep at this point. I am so goddamn tired.

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