I find showers (as in gift parties, usually for brides or moms-to-be) terrifying.
All of those women. In one place. Judging the guest of honor. Making things with crepe paper. FRIGHTENING.
And after my miscarriage I do great around little kids and pregnant ladies, but the idea of being trapped in a room with a ton of women and their kids and about half of them are pregnant? It was a bit much for me. But one of my friends moved to California a couple of years ago and was just coming back for a shower and I couldn't miss the chance to see her.
So I drove and drove and drove (note to southenders, I don't want to hear SHIT about where I live ever again, I live much closer than y'all do and there isn't traffic up here like that nonsense so fuck y'all). And once I was practically in OREGON there was this house, packed to the gills with women and their kids and their very pregnant bellies.
Fortunately, my pal L brought her little ones O and E and I held O for most of the shower. She wouldn't let me steal him (SELFISH) but just having him there helped a lot. I don't want people to not invite me to things because of kids, I appreciate that they trust me enough to know that I can handle it, but it's hard I am not going to lie.
Besides, they did all the horrible shower games. With melting baby ice cubes and cutesy necklace game. Someday I am going to have a baby (I AM WE ARE ABOUT BEING POSITIVE) and whoever throws me a shower (which I hate them but dude I will deserve it) will not plan those kinds of fucking games. Damn I hate them. I would just want a party, with food like fried chicken and nachos and about three people since I don't have a lot of girlfriends and somehow men get a free pass at these things (how does that work? fuckers).
I made it. And I'm gearing up to go to a fertility specialist at the end of the month. Positive thinking and bravery in one entry? It's like I'm not me anymore.