Notes to people I commute with:
All men within the range of my nose: those body spray commercials are not true. Women are NOT going to rip their clothes off if you coat yourself in that shit.
Lady in the large and ugly hat: your stupid, flower covered bag is not more important than people. A full commuter bus means that you hold that fucking thing in your lap. Giving me the stink eye just makes me want to punch you in the face. I hope you put your bag in gum.
Young men in the back of the bus: I DO NOT WANT TO SMOKE A DOOBIE. Goddamn, do drugs somewhere besides public transportation.
Bus driver: STOP STARING AT MY BREASTS.