Saturday, December 01, 2007

What? Target Is Exhausting

It's snowing like a motherfucker here. It'll probably (hopefully) all be gone tomorrow, but for now it's making staying inside and napping all the more appealing. As if I needed something else to make it appealing.

This morning I went out for the first time in more than forty eight hours. I went and got a neck adjustment and massage and while my head is still sore, it is worlds better than it was two days ago. I am not wanting to die at this point which is a lovely improvement. I am trying not to take any medication for it today, just to see if I can. The meds make me so sleepy and so out of it that they won't work for a word day so I am trying to do all the right things to get ready to work on Monday.

Missing work stresses me out, not because anyone says anything (they don't) but because I am desperately afraid that they are going to fire me. I know that this is a pretty baseless anxiety but I can't seem to help myself. My boss has asked me if I want to go down to six hour work days and I can't help but worry that means she is trying to ease me out. WHY AM I LIKE THIS?

It doesn't help that people think I am huge. Well I am huge. I am carrying entirely in the front, which is a good thing I think, but there is no escaping the big giant belly. I look nothing like the glowing Heidi Klum. I just look large and threatening. At the chiropractor's office this morning the receptionist thought I must be due in December (I keep rounding up and telling people late January). The chiropractor himself said, "But you are SO BIG!" He is a doll and meant it nicely but really folks, I had an early ultrasound, my dates are not wrong. My mother carried this way too and so it isn't a huge surprise to me. But it is pathetic that when I get into an elevator the other passengers look a little panicky like they might be forced to deliver me.

I do think that I will probably be a bit early (which means I have DOOMED MYSELF to a late delivery) just because she is so large. And if I feel like this, so tired and worn, than I won't even be attempting a natural birth (that sound you heard is J laughing since he plans on forcibly medicating me if necessary). I have no desire to feel the pain or anything, I just kind of believe that it's best to not have too many expectations (FOR ME). But yeah, I don't think I would be making it very far as of right now. I get worn out going to Target.

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