Smelling Good In The Neighborhood

Darla was starting to look a little like a mop. Also, possessed by an evil demon (but, undoubtedly a demon with MILK BONES). She was starting to bring in all manner of twigs and mud and GOD HELP US shit in the dregs of her coat. Just clumps of weird unmentionable things (that I just mentioned) would get caught up in there.

She smelled. Like a bog. A bog filled with strange toads that like to wallow in rotten pig pus.

Oh were you eating?


Anyway, that is the smell that clung to her at night when she would climb into my bed with it's PRISTINE just bleached high-thread count sheets and that is just unacceptable.

So yesterday, I said the words that every man longs to hear, "Baby, I think it is high time we shaved the dachshund."

Once he recovered from his disappointment that I did not want to do some erotic shaving and other sexual acts but rather wanted to groom the dog we got right to work. Or rather I did and he sat on the couch and played video games. Whatever works. He did hold her down through the belly shaving which is when I think she lost her dignity.

I swear to GOD about ninety-eleven pounds of hair came off of that damn dog. Things were caught in it that an entire team of top biologists, archeologists and zoologists could not identify. A team of experts would have looked at that fur and said, "Nope, NO IDEA what that shit is."

Anyway, then she got a bath and the water only turned beige which is a relief because last time it was gray and I can only begin to imagine what has to be caught in her coat for the water to turn gray.

Then I took this picture. Notice how the demon has been exorcised from her eyes? She hates me now. And you too!

But she smells DELICIOUS.