Last night on the bus I was sitting behind this woman with a GIANT turquoise bow in hair. Now, I cannot for the life of me imagine why a grown woman of any age would own such a bow, not unless it was a gag gift from her "Prepare for your future on the polygamy compound shower," and had a matching calico skirt.
Sadly, she sorely misunderstood the intent behind a gag gift and was wearing the bow. Wearing it in public.
And then I saw it. A huge bug crawling around and around the fucking turquoise bow. It just kept circling around and around the ribbon trim. It was too large (I think) to be a louse but my head started to itch just looking at it.
And what could I do. Flick it off? That is what I would want some one to do for me, but you know people are funny about personal space and that would also involve me TOUCHING THE GROSS BUG AND EW. I mean I know it is for the Greater Good and all but I mean.
I could tell her. And I really did think about that, but maybe she would think that I was saying HI DIRTY LADY WHY DON'T YOU DE-LOUSE YOURSELF BEFORE GETTING ON THE FUCKING BUS YOU FILTHY NASTY THING? Because I wouldn't actually mean that. While her outfit looks like a reject from the Big Love costume trailer that is no reason to believe she is a big bug factory.
Then I noticed a giant, puss-filled GROWTH on the back of her ear and I blacked out.
I don't mean that I actually passed out at the sight of such a thing, I just mean that my mind had just been through TOO MUCH for the bus ride and decided to save me from the memories.
I wonder if they sell lye shower gel.