Thursday, August 03, 2006

Am I Becoming One Of The Scary Bus People

I keep seeing this woman on the bus who I think may be an old friend of mine.

Does that make me sound sad that I don't know?

She looks a bit like her (of course a slightly older, heavier and not well dressed version of her), actually a lot, and has her mannerisms. But I can't quite be sure if it is her.

I could just ask of course. But it is a little complicated. This woman and I were friends and then roommates for a short time a few years ago. She was a good friend in that she helped my ass move out of a really horrible living situation I was in with a boyfriend. She and I had one of those can't-live-without-each-other friendships for about a year. And then.

She went crazy.

By then we were roommates. And she stalked me. Wanted me to tell her where I was going and when I would be back. Criticized my boyfriend (and got in bed with him). And I was a bad friend right back. Because I left. I didn't have a lease and so I just moved out with almost no notice.

I am well aware this makes me an asshole.

But I was only a couple of years out of an abusive relationship where some one tried to control my every move and this was starting to feel awfully familar. And I couldn't think of a damn reason that a good friend would climb into bed with my naked boyfriend (poor J was actually asleep) and not see the problem.

In our divorce she got my gay boyfriend, who wasn't too pleased with my heterosexual boyfriend and our mutual roommate (who liked me better but couldn't leave), I found a huge ass apartment in a scary neighborhood and got my freedom back.

I haven't really talked to her much since.

Sometimes I want to. DAMN we had fun for a while. That was a fun time in my life, full of many boyfriends (I developed a system of having 3-4 at a time) and parties and drinking. We made a lot of margaritas and smoked too many cigarettes and went to the fucking Tulip Festival. I knew she was jealous of me (she didn't have much luck with the 3-4 boyfriend system, or the 1 boyfriend system) and angry over something I did (or didn't do, because that doesn't make me look good but I didn't sleep with the guy she liked, he just wanted to fuck me--which I know because he whispered "I wanted to fuck you" in my ear *ROMANTIC*--but hi she was there the whole time and we didn't do a thing so I do not get how it is my fault he didn't like her but it probably is because we have established that I am an asshole). I knew she was angry and frustrated with her life. I just don't know why she went so crazy (even though I look back and damn I was a brat about it I mean I could have been nicer for crying outloud).

I could just ask this woman if she is who I think she might be. But if she isn't, it doesn't matter. And if she is I am not sure I want to know.

So I just keep staring at her on the bus.

Until she calls the cops I guess.

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