Changed

I don't think I am alone in the panic I felt while I was pregnant. Beyond all the Oh my god my baby is going to die panic, I also had a healthy case of the freak outs about never having a life again. There is nothing that people love to tell pregnant women (and their partners I assume) about how awful having a baby will be. How you will be fat and ugly and let yourself go. How you won't ever go out again, that you won't get any sleep. How life as you know it is over.

What I've found is that they were right. And wrong.

Life as I know it is over.

But the list of things about my old life is actually fairly small.

1. Sleep. Nobody was shitting about that. Sleeping in is seven am. There are times when I am tired down into the marrow of my bones and I am well aware that my baby is a good sleeper.

2. My weight is basically the same as it was pre-pregnancy. But nothing is in the same place. Suddenly I have the boobs I have been waiting for since seventh grade and well, the experience is over-rated. I can't figure out exactly how to dress this new body of mine without looking heavier than I am. Also, the stretch marks, they are not going to fade. I've seen my mother's stomach and EEEP it is on my damn body.

3. Eating in peace. Baby girl is good but she likes to be paid attention to and that includes during meals. J and I do the whole take turns bit and works out ok. But it's not leisurely by any means.

And that is about it.

I am a homebody by nature. J still goes out frequently for Happy Hours and golf days with his friends. This weekend he is going to a concert on the east side of the state and wow being alone with the baby for three days seemed a lot easier when I agreed to this months ago. But being a homebody has the advantage that J can keep up his social life without it being a huge deal.

I love my daughter. Love my family. There are many things that are not perfect about my life. I am struggling with the same work/life balance shit that every family in America struggles with. J and I rack our brains each night trying to find something. But we are lucky, our situation is actually pretty good and we will figure something out.

My life isn't the same. The little raisin sucking a purple binky down the hall made sure of that. And thank god she did.