I never know exactly what to say to people when they ask when we are going to have kids. For a while now I have made use of an easy-breazy "someday" but I am afraid that might come out a little forced once in a while. And, sadly, it often leads to questions about when and why are we waiting so long and damn it woman you are not getting any younger.
No one ever is trying to hurt my feelings and I do know that this is partly my fault. I am not ashamed of our situation but to be honest I do not feel like getting into the Infertility Saga Why Things Just Sometimes Don't Work Out with every single person I meet. I am such a naturally reserved person (I understand why this might be difficult to believe since I have told the internet about my bowel issues and the time I got a tampon stuck in my cooter) that I just don't know what to tell people.
It is all very awkward and sad and it doesn't need to be this way. J certainly doesn't have a problem with it. It is just me the terminally socially awkward that cannot figure out how to ignore the question and Move On Already it is No Big Deal.
Last week I had my ultrasound. I haven't heard from the doctor yet which could be a good sign but I am paranoid to the extreme so I can't see it that way. Contrary to what I had heard my date with the dildo cam really was no problem. Perhaps this suggest that I am a loose-cootered whore (actually remind me to tell you the story of the many doctors who have told me I have a very small vagina, actually that is the whole story, many doctors have remarked on my very small vagina enough that I am a little weirded out about it) but mostly I think it has to do with the lovely tech I had (who chatted with me nicely including a cute anecdote about how she farted during her last pelvic exam) and the fact that maybe everyone else's sexual partners have teeny dicks? I don't know. I could see how that exam would not be so fun with an infection or while pregnant but for me it was no big deal.
But my lovely tech went out of her way to show me my right ovary, describing it in great detail but when we got to the left one she tilted the screen away from me. Since that is the side that hurts I cannot help but be a little afraid. Not that my ovaries are doing me any good but having two sure is nice. I'd like to keep it you know?
So now the internet knows what I know, precisely nothing. So much for my reserved nature. No internal organs have exploded yet (good) but the tech didn't exclaim about my nice healthy normal but somehow undetected pregnancy either so . . .
I suppose no news continues to be good news.