Mrs. Robot

My bruise has, sadly, not developed into Elvis. It looks more like a giant jawbreaker that has been sliced in half. A black layer, a purple layer, a blue layer, a green layer with a yellowy pink center.

The center does look like the profile of the Wicked Witch of the West though.
***

One of the hardest things about being married is when things catch you off guard. Like any relationship you fall into patterns. How you interact with one another is just instinctual and after a while you feel like you know how some one will react to any given situation.

And when they don't it just amazes you. And not always in a good way.

J and I had a fight last night. A screaming one. About nothing so important really, it wasn't unimportant but nothing that has to be solved right now if ever, just something that we may or may not have to deal with one day. And fighting is upsetting for me and I think for him. I assume for him, I mean he looked pretty pissed. We don't do it often and neither of us really behaved very well.

He made me so angry I could have ripped the telephone book in half with my bare hands. I could have ripped dozens of telephone books in half. Perhaps that could be my next career--I am guessing J could keep pissing me off if we being paid for it. Hell, it appears he can do it for free.

He fought with me like my dad used to. Dismissive. Patronizing. Like CRAZY AB, she couldn't know WHAT she is talking about. And that pushed my buttons. Actually it jammed those buttons flat back into the control panel so that the circuits fucking exploded. I don't think he meant to do it, I think he was as bewildered by the argument as I was. Normally we can see the why behind the other's point of view but I couldn't last night and I don't think he could either.

It sounds so stupid, to put it baldly, that the hardest thing about being married to another person is that they continue to be another person. You cannot control or direct their feelings or reactions or behaviors. You can't ever really predict with 100% certainty what they will do, no matter how close your relationship is.

I could be positive and say that these things lead to personal growth. But I am really not that kind of person and I don't give a fuck about personal growth right now, I am still sort of pissed. What I do know is that we will move past this, and solve the issue if we have to, this subject will be a soft spot until we do and maybe even after that. The way other couples are about who makes more money or the ex-girlfriend or somebody's car--actually when put in that context this is a really fucking tiny soft spot. Something that will probably never come up again. But it will be there. And there will be more. I can predict that with 100% certainty, I just cannot say when.

I should have married a robot. I bet I could just program the robot. And I bet the robot would fucking scrub the bathtub once in a while.