Friday, September 28, 2007

Twin Globes Of TERROR

Today I did something that I have been putting off for months. I bought a new bra.

The Girls grew about ten seconds after I peed on the damn stick those many moons ago but I knew they would get bigger (oh and they have and will continue to do so) and I am a cheap cheap soul so I've delayed and delayed until . . well I couldn't wait any longer.

The fitter GASPED IN HORROR and actually visibly recoiled when I took off my shirt. I laughed because I know these women pride themselves on being professional and making the customer comfortable and she really didn't mean to. And she didn't. Oh this was my best fitting bra but it in know way fit. It didn't lay flat on my chest at all, it cut my breasts into fourths and SPRUNG OPEN when I undid it. I have little bruises where it was digging into me.

The reason. Oh my lands. I've gone up a band size and two cup sizes. Y'all, I am only five and a half months pregnant which means by the time I birth this child I should be in one of those bras that I used to (as in a year ago) giggle about that I could wear as a hat. And my head is enormous.

The new bra is marvelously comfortable and I am semi-regretting that I only got one (a DKNY for about thirteen dollars! STEAL) but I know that I will probably need another in like a month so it seemed pointless. Horrifying to me, my breasts actually look LARGER now since they are not trapped in some sort of flattening device.

I have to admit it was hard to stand in front of all the mirrors with no shirt on. On one hand, I do not have pregnant ass and still appear to have a waist from behind. But! There is a wee bit of back fat back there that was not there before. And those mirrors make it obvious that while my face hasn't broken out too much (I have had this same cluster of zits on my chin since the beginning they just shrink and grow and terrorize me to end) my chest has and WOW I believe Neutrogena makes something for that shit right? I have often cursed our lack of a full length mirror at the house (this leads me to all kinds of dumb standing on the toilet nonsense which I almost attempted the other day before thinking about how much J would kill me even if I didn't fall off) but now I see it is just protecting me. No mirrors until this time next year I think.

The Cubs just won, our magic number is 1, can I get a LETS GO PADRES?

1 comment:

Sandra said...

When I was pregnant I went from a 34D to a 34G :(