Two weeks ago I started noticing some strangeness.
I have been sleeping a lot. Going to bed at like 9pm. Napping through a lot of the 49ers (huge upset!) win yesterday. I felt like I was getting some sort of weird flu that I couldn't shake.
My breasts starting getting huge. For a small-breasted gal, popping out of C-cups (especially when you were just measured last month) is alarming. My nipples have been hard for three weeks straight. And they are the size of dinner plates (are you blushing? sorry to be so graphic y'all).
Most people would see where this was going but J and I have been total fucking failures in the reproductive department and we had no real reason to see this changing. The denial is strong with me yes. But since my breasts were starting to look like they had been carved out of marble (SO HARD, they don't even move anymore--like I got the fakes implants ever) and I could sniff out an orange from seven miles away my pal Linda (who is still on a break so why link her) bullied me into testing.
The second line appeared instantly. And I went screeching (I would like to pretend that I did this with calm dignity but I am pretty sure I sounded like a hysterical hyena) into our bedroom to wake up J who stared at me all stoned-looking and shocked. He thought I was lying or making shit up.
But y'all I done got myself all knocked up.
It took two and half years and a whole shitload of unprotected marital activity but the AB's are having a baby.