Small Scare

My mother fell down the stairs today.

Luckily, she is fine. She is bruised and sore and staying the hell home from work tomorrow (griping all the way) but fine. She tripped and tried to steady herself and slammed everything on the railing. It sounds like her co-workers panicked a bit and had her on the backboard and everything.

My mother is sixty-one years old. Which isn't old but it isn't young either. She is more fragile than she used to be.

Actually, both of my parents are. They are frailer. My father can't do big projects on his own (we often try to go down and help). J doesn't ask my dad to come do things around our house anymore because he doesn't want him to hurt himself. My mother tires when we go out for the day.

I suppose I was in denial about all of this.

I was so worried, am so worried. Because I cannot handle it if anything happens to my parents. I still need them, Ramona needs them. This is our family. Everyone needs to stay safe and healthy.

And my mother needs to stay away from stairs.

Off To Paraguay

So a few weeks ago I caved to the demands of my pal L and signed up for Facebook. It's been an interesting experience, I think half of my high school is on there. Since I skipped my reunion I got to have all my "WHAT THE FUCK HE HAS SIX KIDS?!" moments at home like God intended. And I didn't have to hit the gym or diet. AWESOME.

And it's been largely a fun experience. I've had lunch with an old friend, one I had forgotten how much I used to enjoy. I get to see adorable pictures of everyone's kids. It's a low committment thing.

But today an ex-boyfriend friended me. And I accepted automatically.

I wish I could take it back actually. I didn't mean to hit accept. And now, with the conventions of Facebook, I can't take it back without making it a Thing. Something that has more meaning than it really does. God am I mindfucking this much?

This person was mean to me. That seems like a small thing doesn't it. But he was cruel and really messed me up for a long time. I don't know that he meant to be, I don't care. I am over it but I don't really want to deal with him again. Not even in my social networking life.

Really, I should be able to launch him to Paraguay with just the powers of my mind. That is the kind of skill a girl should be able to cultivate.

And Now I Love Cher

I am socially stupid. I don't make small talk well, am actually reserved when I first meet some one (and then cannot stop talking once we are friends) and wow I just don't like to put in the time for a lot of friends (WOW I AM AN ASSHOLE). J juggles dozens of friends but I can't manage it and it gives me hives just thinking about it.

I do have girlfriends. But my best friend lives in Denver. And a lot of my friends live far from me or are in the same situation as I am--super busy with small children. So it's not like we are out boozing on Saturday nights.

But J bought me tickets to go see Kathy Griffin and he really didn't want to go. So he devised a scheme to get me to take a friend of his' wife. Which she and I have met and I genuinely like her but still. Did my husband fix me up on a date?

YES HE DID.

And it was awesome. Just the right amount of small talk. Wickedly funny show. And look at me staying up to a big girl bed time on a weekend. Sounds like MoMo didn't even miss me.

Plus, Kathy Griffin did an awesome bit about Cher!

PRILF

Aw I do love the way the internet gets all worked up on a Sunday afternoon.

Her Bad Mother, Mom 101 and Moxie are just a few throwing their two cents in. But Twitter was all . . . well a twitter with the whole Motrin debacle.

To catch you up, if you do not follow internet mommy drama, Motrin has a new ad out (view here ). It is a rather unfunny ad that is semi-insulting to it's target (moms). The internet has viewed the ad and BAM. Motrin is getting killed via the blogosphere (and have since removed the ad I think).

As much as I did not get offended and insulted by the ad as many did, I do see their point. Mainly because I am tired of the Momification of everything. Jonniker wrote some interesting things on this last week but damn I am tired of being marketed to, spoken to, and treated exclusively as a Mom. It started during the election, when I realized that I was in that coveted Middle Class White Mom demographic, that I started feeling insulted by the crap I was supposed to be moved by. Now I notice that almost every damn commercial is targeted to me. Talking condescendingly about how busy I am, how stupid my husband must be, how CHOOSY I have to be about everything in my house. GAH.

The internet is no different. And while I find Mommy Blogs compelling and interesting (some of them anyway), and am glad that women have found ways to earn money and respect through this medium sometimes it feels so overwrought. The Momversations thing (which I am not linking) and that kerfuffle over Johnston and Johnston's junket a while back. It's all just more commercials and cynical bullshit. Honestly, you don't have to put a white lady in capri pants with an exasperated look on her face to sell me something. I am interested in the same things other people are. Books, music, politics, good food, something to make my ass look smaller and my boobs higher and well yes--something to clean my house with that doesn't kill the baby. Companies that have products that cater to that and don't treat me like I am silly and stupid would get my business.

But I am oddly not annoyed with Motrin. It's all been done before, even more tastelessly. The whole Milfy Cougar shit makes my blood boil a lot more. I wish that there was a way for a woman to be not hyper sexualized or asexual in our culture but for the moment there really isn't.

Motrin might have been better off with the Tagline "Pain Reliever You'd Like to Fuck" at any rate.

Sad How Little a Jackpot I Need

Some one is some sort of mothering genius and will undoubtedly (and dude I hope you do!) comment with a brilliant solution to this, but when I go to pick up the baby from her swimming lesson (which makes it sound like we chuck her into the water and let her sink which is what my mother thinks but NO J takes her) I get fucking SOAKED taking her into the locker room to change. I know it is because of the swim diaper which holds about eighty pounds of water (we use a containment diaper instead of disposable swimmer. Those are more convenient for us but god I just get drenched just carrying her in.

Other than that the swim lessons are brilliant. She loves the water, loves the attention and it is something fun for she and J to do together. Plus she is worn out afterwards and I am pro-anything that makes my baby sleep hard all night. I have to admit it's really adorable that she has somehow mastered a bit of a frog kick. I know it is largely an accident but still awesome and cute.

My swimming lessons (did I tell y'all about my swimming lessons) are even more fabulous. I could swim well enough that I wouldn't drown but not well enough to really swim for exercise. But that is really changing now. I cannot recommend YMCA adult lessons enough. I've really improved a lot in a very short amount of time and now my routine is to swim an hour and a half twice a week.

I want to model healthy behavior for Mo. I am a pitiful athlete and I still really struggle to see myself as an active person. It's hard to change your once you are grown. I hope that she will find something that she is passionate about that will keep her healthy and strong.

Also, it's baby free time. Rewarded with time in the steam room afterwards. It's like the mommy lottery.

Wild Weekend

We don't entertain much. So it always sends me into a tailspin whenever we have people over. I am not sure why, since it's not like anyone expects Martha's house or anything. But having guests makes me steam clean the floors and worry about air fresheners. It's messed up but at least the floors are clean.

We hardly ever see these friends and it was great fun to catch up and just let the kids play. I fried steaks in butter (delicious) and we just sat around. When you have small kids this passes for a wild Saturday night. Sadly, about ten minutes before they arrived my head started buzzing with the beginnings of a migraine.

I fought and fought it off and was managing until it was getting late and the baby was screeching (up way past her bedtime and tired of being good) and their daughter was crying because she was up past her bedtime and oh I was at the end of my rope. By the time I was feeding the baby before bed my scalp was cracking I swear (why didn't it occur to me to ask J to put her to bed? NO IDEA I AM BRILLIANT).

Ten minutes later I was weeping on the floor because I couldn't relax enough to lay down. J rubbed my neck and I just shook I hurt so much. And then I went and barfed up my steak. I took a couple of Tylenol PMs and PASSED the eff out. At eight at night. All night I ached and ached and had messed up dreams. Dreams where I was being held by the CIA and there were tunnels and WOW I CANNOT EXPLAIN THIS. Let it be said that sleep aids plus a migraine = shit that should not be dreamed.

This morning I woke up all hung over. Which is especially unfair since I was the only one not drinking a thing. I swear, it was like J stayed up late and smacked the crap out of me with a crowbar. My parents were over this afternoon and I passed out on the couch while they played with the baby. I was just a wrung out rag all day.

Pathetic. My wild weekend.

And We Ate Cake

Today I am just feeling joy and excitement. I feel so hopeful for this country. I feel so connected to my community. I am so proud of all of us.

I recognize that for so many, yesterday did not go as they had hoped. But I hope that they too see our country moving toward rebuilding itself. And that we all try to push forward and create something special.

This is a time for celebration and hope. And I am not (too) embarrassed to admit how much I have cried in the last twenty-four hours. I slept peacefully last night (until awakened by the tiny dictator in the next room who doesn't care about history) and awoke trying to figure out what to do with all this productive energy.

J and I watched the returns with excitement and fear. We didn't blink because we were afraid it would stop happening. And we ate cake.

Vote

Like a lot of people I am just emotionally spent by this election. I believe J started obsessing about it in November 2004 and WOW. I need it to be over. I do not think it is an exaggeration at all to say that this is the most important election of my lifetime. I believe this is a time when our country will turn a corner. Regardless of how you feel about the candidates, please vote your conscience on which way that turn should go.

Until it is over my anxiety is cranked up to eleven. I know the pundits are calling it my way but I felt hopeful before and actually that isn't helping. I still think it could be stolen. I am like a ball of freak out.

J is staying home tomorrow to drive the elderly to the polls and then drinking himself silly (either way). I am just trying to stay calm. And maybe when it is all over we can talk, think, dream about something else. And the headache that I have had for a month will go away.

I am going to tell my daughter about tomorrow. I just hope it's the beginning of a great story.