Suck It

Dear World,
Stop asking me if my baby sleeps through the night. You don’t actually care about the answer. Your eyes fog over in boredom if I even say so much as “sometimes.” You are just waiting like little pouncing lions to jump on me whatever my answer. Let me save you the trouble.
If I say yes, without any back story then you jump on me that obviously she cries and I just sleep through it. That she is neglected and troubled and maybe doesn’t even BOTHER CRYING because I do not care about her. You tell me she is too small for her age and correct me when I assure you you are wrong.
If I say yes, explaining that to me a baby her age that sleeps in 7-8 hour chunks is definitely sleeping through the night, you tell me stories about how your child never slept ever and people like me aren’t even parents, not really, because babies like that clearly are not difficult ever and I have no right to be tired. And then you stomp off.
If I say no, then you start screeching about how babies this age SHOULD BE and I am failing as a mother. Obviously, I am waking her up at night with the vibrations of my neediness. Have I tried sleep training? You tell me stories about your two week old who slept through the night every night—the obvious implication that there is something defective about ME. If you are my mother-in-law you will repeatedly tell me about how my husband slept through the night right away—despite the fact that you told me I was unreasonable for wanting my baby to sleep in four hour chunks because her father didn’t until he was a year old. If you want to tell me I am unreasonable FABULOUS—just make up your mind why first ok?
My conclusion is that nobody knows anything. They are just having pre-arranged conversations with me that I am not interesting in having. They just want to tell me I am wrong whether I am listening or not.
But seriously. Suck it.