Keeping your eyes open all day is hard y'all. It requires determination and skill and some serious fucking strength. I almost managed it too.
When I got home my key stuck in the lock. I am sure there is something wrong with the door and not little ol' so competent me but I just could not make it work so I stumbled into the back yard--twisting and falling like a drunk--and pretended that I wanted to see J before I went inside. I would have got away with it too, if it weren't for you damn teenagers! Sorry, thought I was on Scooby Doo. I could have gotten away with it if I would just stop telling the internet embarrassing shit.
But embarrassing shit is why people come here after all and falling down like a drunk without being drunk is not that funny or interesting. But it is all I got. I have chest pains, which I managed to freak Miss Monica out with but seriously they are muscular--the kind you get when you cough and cough until your ribcage says BITCH QUIT IT OR YOU WILL PAY and you don't quit.
And then you pay.
It is oh so very linear that way.
So the evening is being spent lying on my couch with the dachshund eating cheese and clearing out the Ti-Faux.
Also trying to imagine a way that I can wear my sweatpants to work tomorrow and still look professional enough to not get my ass fired. I need the sweatpants though. NEED. Because then I can just FALL into bed the very SECOND I get home.
Unfortunately, I cannot just not go to work because I actually have work to do. Why on earth did I tell my boss I wanted more responsibility? Did I forget that she is the type of manager who listens and tries to give people what they want?! I should have told her I want a job where I can sit at home and watch America's Next Top model in my sweatpants and slippers. I have heard, however, that the dental for that job blows chunks and GOD KNOWS I need to get my stupid ass front tooth fixed.
I can only claim Hillbilly Chic for so long.
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