On Tuesdays I watch the Contender, the most manipulative show on television (even if you consider last week's episode of Project Runway, which for the fucking record if Jeffrey talked to my mother that way you all could be emailing me at anyabeth@federalwomenscorrectionfac.gov because motherfucker would have gotten some new piercings with one of those fancy industrial sewing machines. Fuck that noise, no one talks to Mama AB that way). For those of you unfamiliar with the Contender it is when ESPN stops playing Sportscenter and The World Series of Poker on repeat for an hour each week and puts sixteen boxers in the house and lets them beat the crap out of each other.
I don't even like boxing y'all. And I hate the cliches of reality TV, about honor and playing the game and blah blah blah and this show uses up it's cliche allotment in the first five minutes. Every guy on there fought like a champion, was a real warrior, is just trying to make a better life for his kids.
And THEY SHOW THE KIDS. Fortunately, this season some one at ESPN or maybe the mothers decided that maybe having babies in the actual boxing arena was a little unnecessarily dramatic. I can't say that I miss the hysterical screaming babies, but the ten year olds bawling their eyes out because they are old enough to actually understand what the phrase "irreparable brain damage" really means aren't thrilling me either. I could not watch my husband fight like that. I could not watch him bleed and sweat. I think I would just tap him on the shoulder and be all, "Baby, really. If we both work two jobs we can put you through night school. Then I'll go. I'll be a dental hygenist. Seriously, none of this. Get in the car."
One of my favorites was eliminated tonight. Not that I hate many of them. I just liked this one especially and of course I saw his demise coming in minute thirty because the Contender barely hides this shit from you. At least let me cling to my hopes.
I don't know how I got hooked on this show. It isn't even good.
One thing amazes me. Most of them are hard core religious and think that God wants them to win this show. I am not being disrespectful of anyone's beliefs here (actually I totally am) but GOD DOES NOT CARE ABOUT REALITY TV. I can imagine that it is comforting to believe that there is a plan for you. I can respect that belief. I don't share it but I get it. But I think the belief that God created this fucking reality show to reward you above all others is so arrogant and self-absorbed. God is busy with hurricanes and famine and nuclear weapons. He is hearing the good night prayers or little babies and looking in on those who are sick. He is dealing with heavy shit man. He wants your ass to be just fine, but he doesn't love you more than the guy you are hitting.
Also, I know I am not Christian but Jesus wants you to spread his message through BOXING?
I guess this is just my warm up for tomorrow when Project Runway will fuck with me more. That is a reality show God should get involved with because no deity wants Vincent and Angela on my TV another week.
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